1. Be quick to criticize and slow to compliment and encourage people.
2. Pride yourself on being a "tell-it-like-it-is" person.
3. Work as hard as you can to try to change, control and fix the people who are in your life. If they don't change, make them feel bad, low and inferior.
4. Gossip about others behind their backs.
5. Focus on other people's sins and wrong doings.
6. Be quick to give advice and slow to receive advice. In fact, when someone offers a suggestion, make sure you dismiss it before you even try to consider it.
7. Actively work at finding fault in others.
8. Constantly enlighten others on how hard your life is and how everyone and everything seems to be out to get you.
9. Don't even consider being kind to others.
10. Act as if you are doing people a favor by being in their presence.
11. When you offer to help someone, make them feel indebted to you.
12. When someone helps or even offers to help you, regardless of how large or small the situation is, let them know that you don't need other people's help and don't express any appreciation for their thoughtfulness.
13. When a person seems to be at a low place in their life, coyly say things to rub it in. Make sure that you are sly about it so that the "kick" will be almost undetected.
14. Criticize people for being too happy.
15. Brag about all of the good things happening in your life without recognizing the great things happening in other people's lives.
16. When a person does tell you of something good that is happening to them, question it and put seeds of doubt into their head.
Now that you have everything you need to be a "needy friend magnet" go and apply these principles and have a wonderful day.